futile in all my forms

No matter what I do, no matter how highly I achieve, it never makes a difference. I'm still me, and I'm still alone.

Financial aid is a bitch.

I can't seem to finish my financial aid forms. I really fail at the important stuff and keeping all my deadlines straight. For instance, MIT's financial aid letters are apparently coming out on Wednesday and I still haven't sent in my tax returns. I'm really going to try my best to do that tonight, because MIT is $50,000 a year, and since there's a high probability I'll end up going there, I need as much money as possible. I think my parents could pay and be alright, but I can't do that- not after everything I put them through in high school (flute lessons, rides to everything, crying at 3 AM from all the work).

So...how will I pay?
$50,000 a year=
frick.

And with the possibility of pre-med and attempting medical school later, I'm not sure I'll have enough for even that. I should have applied to some less competitive schools and tried to get more money. I need scholarships. I found one for $1,000.

happiness?